Briefly roller derby; mostly author-stalking and lamenting Andy Stanton

I haven’t managed to do much good stalking this weekend as I’ve been all busy trying to be a ROLLER DERBY SUPERSTAR!! It has good points and bad points: it throws off my Camp NaNoWriMo attempt [bad] and eats into my writing-slash-blogging-slash-author-stalking-slash-reading-books time [bad] HOWEVER it means I get to do a bit of rough and tumble twice a week [good] with a bunch of awesome rollergirls [good] whilst keeping fit [sort-of-OK-I-guess] on ROLLER SKATES [brilliaaaaaaant]! Would you like to see a pre-bout photograph? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!

Silent Singer

I'm the one doing 'silent singer'.

Please immediately go and support your local roller derby team. Thank you.

Anyway, back to it. The Authors have been a little on the completely silent side recently: no new blog posts from smug Neil Gaiman, Derek Landy who is good, or, my ultimate hero, YA fiction author Lucy Christopher. I can only presume it’s because they are all seeking to destroy my fledgling blogging career: they’ve heard about my multiple (two) readers and they are INTIMIDATED by my increasing popularity. It’s understandable. But don’t worry, I’ve been lurking about in shadowy corners of The Internet looking for other unsuspecting authors-I-can-raffishly-stalk. Jonathan Stroud (Bartimaeus trilogy+1) and Patrick Ness (Chaos Walking trilogy) both have frequently-updated blogs and are thus eligible for stalkage. I have no opinion on either of them at the moment, but here’s hoping at least one of the two will turn out to be suitably ridiculous. It’s a shame that my attempts to stalk that brilliantly posh nonsense-nuzzler Andy Stanton (of Mr. Gum fame – don’t you guys know ANYTHING?) have failed so pathetically: the man just does NOT exist on The Internet except in bloody YouTube videos and, c’mon, with the exception of almost everyone, who even USES YouTube these days? So, if anyone sees him please can you tell him to stop being so SELFISH and get a bloody blog and update it regularly with all that hilarity he seems to have time for in his books SO THAT I CAN STALK HIM.

The end.

Oh, hang on, a quick PS for some breaking news:

Award-winning YA fiction author Lucy Christopher has been singing along to The Smiths, which is a band liked by People Who Are Well Cool. This probably means she likes The Cure, too, which puts her dangerously close to having something in common with Neil he-who-ought-not-be-named-with-quite-such-regularity Gaiman. I worry. I’ve put YA fiction author Lucy Christopher on a pedal-stool and now she’s on thin ice. Metaphorically speaking.

OK, ACTUALLY the end now. Tune in next time and I’ll tell you about a hilarious joke I made the other day, and about the time I met the most furious YA author in the world. [Cue Rolf Harris impression] Can you guess who it is yet?



First, I discovered THIS HILARIOUS GENERATOR. Read some internet fiction and want to leave a gloriously crappy comment, but prevented from doing so by your natural good grammar and spelling? Well worry no more, this generator is for you! It makes me want to spam the shit out of my childhood internet haunt, Elfwood. YEAHWOT? I WAS A FF GEEK! SO WHAT? WE CAN’T ALL LIKE THE CURE Y’KNOW!

Second, I re-wrote my NaNoWriMo magna carta and turned it into a WORDLE! Yeah, that’s right: I’M SERIOUS THIS TIME AROUND! (For those of you who aren’t familiar with this particular usage of the words ‘magna carta’, get obsessed with NaNoWriMo for crumbs sake!). Anyway, here it is:
Wordle: Magna Carta 2

Third – yep, a freebie for you here – I have now decided to be obsessed with the children’s author DEREK LANDY, creator of the Skulduggery Pleasant series. He can’t write girl-on-girl friendships to save his life, bless him, but he sure packs a mean magic adventure. I have decided to do this because he has a BLOG in which he posted a nudity warning on a photograph of a skeleton. Win. Landy wins because he’s sarcastic rather than smug which makes him the ANTI-GAIMAN! Sarcasm would KICK THE PISS out of smug in a fight (or it’d at least say loads of mean things until smug was left crying in a corner – either’s fine).


Camp Nanowrimo

OK, so I stopped at 16, 000 words last year and have hardly looked at it since. So what. Still counts as a win in my books.

I had popped back  to say that this blog will be restarting in November when I will purposely be taking myself out of Real Life (including turning down any roller derby bouts I might have coming up – you cannot know the level of sacrifice that requires) to try, once again, to write a shit novel in a month.

HOWEVER, in light of recent events (i.e. the bombshell that is Camp Nano) you may find me up and blogging [read: procrastinating] a little earlier than that. Let’s see how we go.

In the meantime I’ll be posting a whole load of vapid shit over on my Blogger blog, which has been up and running for about 5 minutes. Or since March. Whatever. Anyway, come along and post comments so I can pretend I’m popular and important.