I haven’t managed to do much good stalking this weekend as I’ve been all busy trying to be a ROLLER DERBY SUPERSTAR!! It has good points and bad points: it throws off my Camp NaNoWriMo attempt [bad] and eats into my writing-slash-blogging-slash-author-stalking-slash-reading-books time [bad] HOWEVER it means I get to do a bit of rough and tumble twice a week [good] with a bunch of awesome rollergirls [good] whilst keeping fit [sort-of-OK-I-guess] on ROLLER SKATES [brilliaaaaaaant]! Would you like to see a pre-bout photograph? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!
Please immediately go and support your local roller derby team. Thank you.
Anyway, back to it. The Authors have been a little on the completely silent side recently: no new blog posts from smug Neil Gaiman, Derek Landy who is good, or, my ultimate hero, YA fiction author Lucy Christopher. I can only presume it’s because they are all seeking to destroy my fledgling blogging career: they’ve heard about my multiple (two) readers and they are INTIMIDATED by my increasing popularity. It’s understandable. But don’t worry, I’ve been lurking about in shadowy corners of The Internet looking for other unsuspecting authors-I-can-raffishly-stalk. Jonathan Stroud (Bartimaeus trilogy+1) and Patrick Ness (Chaos Walking trilogy) both have frequently-updated blogs and are thus eligible for stalkage. I have no opinion on either of them at the moment, but here’s hoping at least one of the two will turn out to be suitably ridiculous. It’s a shame that my attempts to stalk that brilliantly posh nonsense-nuzzler Andy Stanton (of Mr. Gum fame – don’t you guys know ANYTHING?) have failed so pathetically: the man just does NOT exist on The Internet except in bloody YouTube videos and, c’mon, with the exception of almost everyone, who even USES YouTube these days? So, if anyone sees him please can you tell him to stop being so SELFISH and get a bloody blog and update it regularly with all that hilarity he seems to have time for in his books SO THAT I CAN STALK HIM.
Oh, hang on, a quick PS for some breaking news:
Award-winning YA fiction author Lucy Christopher has been singing along to The Smiths, which is a band liked by People Who Are Well Cool. This probably means she likes The Cure, too, which puts her dangerously close to having something in common with Neil he-who-ought-not-be-named-with-quite-such-regularity Gaiman. I worry. I’ve put YA fiction author Lucy Christopher on a pedal-stool and now she’s on thin ice. Metaphorically speaking.
OK, ACTUALLY the end now. Tune in next time and I’ll tell you about a hilarious joke I made the other day, and about the time I met the most furious YA author in the world. [Cue Rolf Harris impression] Can you guess who it is yet?